SERVICE CALL
by kgreene
Summary: The handsome HewlettPackard guy comes in to service the machines. But while he unintentionally turns the office upsidedown, he only has eyes for... Pam? This is intended as an inbetweener episode, taking place between Ben Franklin and Phyllis' Wedding.


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property

of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

THE OFFICE

SEASON THREE - EPISODE 15.5

SERVICE CALL

BY KEVIN GREENE

TEASER

INT. OFFICE – RECEPTION AREA 

It's morning at Dunder-Mifflin. Everyone is basically getting geared up for the day.

Pam has just pretty much gotten herself settled at reception.

PAM

Hey, Jim, did you hear that story about the

72 year old tourist in Mexico? He killed a

guy that was going to rob him. Crazy, huh?

JIM

(turns around in his chair to face Pam)

Yeah, yeah. With his bare hands, too. Hardcore.

DWIGHT

I could do that.

JIM

What, get killed by a 72 year old tourist?

DWIGHT

Hardly. His snapping, arthritic joints

would be no match for my cat-like

reflexes. I meant that I could kill

a man with my bare hands. I've honed

my body and mind to be prepared for any

instance such as that. I am a weapon at

the ready. (Digs out his wallet and pulls

out a business card)And I always carry this

with me to remind myself of the

warrior way.

On the card is written WWJBD? In large

block letters. Pam leans in to read it.

PAM

What would Jesus' (pause) brother do? Jesus didn't

have a brother.

JIM

Maybe he was adopted.

PAM

Hm. Yeah, I guess. But how do we know what his

brother would do? I didn't even know he had one.

DWIGHT (annoyed)

No, no, not Jesus' brother, Jack Bauer.

JACK… BAUER.

JIM

What would Jack Bauer's brother do? Ok, I'm

pretty sure you don't have enough letters

there.

PAM

Wait. Jesus and Jack Bauer

BOTH have brothers??

DWIGHT

No, not…GRRRRRR…IDIOTS!

(gets up and storms off. Pam and Jim

suppress laughs and point at each other)

PAM TALKING HEAD 

PAM

Yeah, that was pretty good…Jim and I have a

thing where we try to annoy Dwight first thing

in the morning, so much that he gets up

and storms off. Our personal record is

17 consecutive work days…

(gets wistful and kind of stares

off past the camera)

Good times…good times.

END TEASER

ACT ONE

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD 

MICHAEL

So today is a special day…ah…we will be graced by

the presence of Ricardo Xiques. Nice young Cuban boy,

ah, I mean man… I've been told not to say Cuban

boy any more… ah, Ricardo is from Hewlett Packard

and services all the fax machines and copiers

that we have… and he has finally agreed, after

3 years, to be on camera. Off the record, I think

he had some… ah…immigration issues or something…

BUT, he will be on camera today. I'm looking forward

to it…

JIM TALKING HEAD 

JIM

Michael is… fascinated by Ricardo. Completely

fascinated. Ricardo is very popular with the

ladies so I think Michael kinda lives vicar-

iously through him… he tags around behind him

like he's trying to pick up pointers or

something. It's a little creepy…… and sad.

(smiles goofily) It's creepysad!

INT. OFFICE – RECEPTION AREA 

Ricardo, a handsome, in shape, young man, enters the office. Michael practically leaps on him.

MICHAEL

Ricardo! Ricky Ricardo! Baabalooo!

RICARDO (embarrassed)

Uh…hello, Michael…

MICHAEL

Come in, come in, let me get your coat… I was just

saying the other day…I hate when Ricardo is

not around…because the office is (in Ricky Ricardo voice) "just so Ricky-less!"

(laughs, but everyone just stares at him or looks

elsewhere, embarrassed. Michael looks at the camera,

half-smiling, then shakes his head in frustration)

MICHAEL (CONTINUED)

uh…You know Pam…

RICARDO

Hello, Pam.(he obviously finds Pam attractive)

PAM (smiling)

Hi, Ricardo…

MICHAEL

Oh yeah, Pam is going solo now, Ricky…

she's free to be with you or me…

Pam glares at him.

MICHAEL(CONTINUED)

Well, not me but, you know…

RICARDO

Really. That's VERY interesting…

Jim kind of looks over his shoulder at Pam,

who is shyly playing with her hair.

MICHAEL

So, my man Ricky. How's it going with the

ladies, eh? Any hot, sizzling dates to tell

us about?

RICARDO

Uh… no. Been kind of quiet lately, actually.

Been trying to do some stuff for me… haven't

found that one woman I'd like to spend my time

with. (Looks at Pam, smiles)

MICHAEL(disappointed)

Oh… well… do you have any old stories to tell

us?

PAM

Oh, Michael… you have a call on hold.

MICHAEL(confused)

I… do? Who, uh… is it?

PAM

They wouldn't say.

MICHAEL

Oh. Well… I'll… just go get it then. (He hesitates

to leave, clearly wanting to stay near Ricardo)

Um… be back.

Michael heads into his office. Ricardo looks at Pam.

PAM

He doesn't have a call. It'll take him a few

minutes to figure that out.

RICARDO(laughing)

Thank you.

Dwight walks over to Ricardo who is

getting his equipment together.

DWIGHT

Hello, Ricardo.

RICARDO

Dwight.

DWIGHT

I see you are still using that inferior

brand of tools.

RICARDO(sighing)

Dwight, I just use what they give me.

DWIGHT

But the mid-range line by Snap-On is

clearly a better set and FAR more

durable than that Play-Skool garbage

you have there. I had to hit the

Snap-On wrench 8 times with a

sledgehammer to render it

completely useless. Pretty much

ruined my kitchen floor.

RICARDO

Dwight…

DWIGHT

I sent a very detailed e-mail

to Hewlett-Packard with all of my

findings. I recommended that they

switch to..

RICARDO

Oh, that was you?

DWIGHT

Yes! You know about that?

RICARDO

Oh yeah. Management liked your

research. They purchased a dozen

of the kits and are field testing

them right now. I wasn't one of

the lucky ones but pretty soon, all

of us will be using them. We got

a memo about 3 months ago detailing

the testing phase… They called it

the… "Schrute Initiative"… Oh wait!

That's your name, right? Dwight

Schrute! Yeah, man! They're

running with that!

DWIGHT (bursting with pride):

Yes!(Does fist pump) See, I DO

have ideas that corporate America

would find beneficial! MICHAEL!

I told you!

Dwight runs off to Michael's office.

Jim and Pam silently clap and mouth phrases to Ricardo like "Well done" and "Excellent". Ricardo winks at Pam and

she visibly blushes. Jim notices and looks back and forth at the two.

JIM TALKING HEAD 

JIM

Would I be cool with Pam dating

Ricardo? (Shrugs)… I mean… he's

a good guy and all so that would

be… um… you know… (long pause) nice.

INT. OFFICE – RECEPTION AREA 

Ricardo is rolling up his sleeves and

looks up to see Meredith staring

intently at him, her mouth slightly open.

MEREDITH

Do you make service calls to private homes?

Ricardo looks at the camera.

KELLY

Hey, Ricky! It's so good to see you!

(She touches Ricardo's chest and gets close to him)

Oooh, someone has been working out!

(She looks over at Ryan, who shakes his head

and rolls his eyes)

KELLY TALKING HEAD 

KELLY

Ohmigod, Ricardo is SO hot! I would TOTALLY have a

threesome with Ricardo and Ryan if it weren't

so slutty. (Long pause) That would be slutty,

right?

Ricardo walks over to the fax machine closest to Reception

and Jim stands up and gives a Ricardo a warm handshake.

The two get along well, apparently.

JIM

What's up, man? So… decided to do the on camera

thing this time around huh?

RICARDO

Well, they always ask me, they're constantly

badgering me about it. I'm not comfortable

with it but I figured I'll just get it over with,

maybe they won't ask me anymore, y'know?

JIM

Yeah, I hear ya…

RICARDO

Hey, uh, Jim…

(He looks over his shoulder at Pam

who is on the phone and lowers his voice)

RICARDO(continued)

What's this about Pam being single? What

happened to that guy she was engaged to?

JIM

Uhhhhh… not sure.(laughs)

RICARDO

Thought you guys were close.

JIM

We were..are…but we haven't..really,

um… talked that much lately. You know…

um… been busy..

RICARDO

Ok

JIM

But we're good, you know, she and I…

Just kinda…um….(shakes head, LONG pause)

RICARDO

Ok, well, that's… thanks.

(He turns to work on the fax while Jim

stands there, kind of lost in thought. Ricardo

smiles at Pam, who blushes again.)

PAM TALKING HEAD 

PAM

Oh yes, Ricardo is very, very handsome and nice.

ALL the girls just flock around him… I can't

see why he would possibly be interested in me… Why?

Did you um… hear something about him, um… being

interested in me?

Karen comes over to Jim's desk and sits on the edge.

Jim leans back in his chair.

KAREN

Wanna do lunch? My treat.

JIM

Mmmmmm, sounds… free. Definitely.

Karen laughs and Ricardo looks back at her.

KAREN

Hello.

RICARDO

Hi.

JIM

Oh hey. Ricardo, this is Karen. Kinda

sorta new to this branch.

KAREN

Nice to finally meet the famous Ricardo.

(Leans towards him and whispers)

Meredith and Kelly have mentioned you a

number of times.

Ricardo groans.

JIM (smiling)

And uh…what EXACTLY did those two have to say

about Ricardo?

KAREN

Well, I only remember snippets of conversation…

hushed breathless phrases… But the words

"Hot cuppable ass" remain burned into my

memory.

Both laugh and Karen puts her hand on Jim's knee.

We see Ricardo take note of this. Karen gets up to

leave.

KAREN

So lunch later, Halpert.

JIM

With you paying for it, absolutely.

Karen walks back to her desk. Ricardo smiles at

Jim.

RICARDO

She's VERY attractive. Why does everyone

say that I'm good with women? You get all

the best girls. Jim Halpert is obviously

the man.

JIM

(Laughs) All what girls??

RICARDO

And modest, too! Michael should follow

YOU around, dude.

JIM(laughs)

Yeah, ok.(Turns to get back to work)

Ricardo goes over to Pam.

RICARDO

So, where are the famous Pam jellybeans?

Pam brings the jar of jellybeans up from her little

hiding place on her desk.

PAM

Contrary to popular belief, I did not

make these jelly beans.

RICARDO

Oh no, these are definitely Pam Jellybeans.

They are sweet… (takes a jellybean) they smell

lovely… (Smells it) and they really make me

smile. (Pops it into his mouth)

PAM

Ohhh…(Pam does that cute shoulder thing she does

and laughs.)

At his desk, Jim fights to not turn around. His face shows

what he's feeling.

END ACT ONE

ACT TWO

INT. THE OFFICE- OSCAR, KEVIN AND ANGELA'S AREA 

We join the three in the middle of a conversation. They

are speaking in hushed tones.

KEVIN

Dude… all I'm saying is that you should

totally find out for sure.

OSCAR

Kevin… I am… 100 certain that he is straight.

110.

KEVIN

But dude… what if he isn't?

(Kevin nods and smiles nastily)

ANGELA

Don't be disgusting, Kevin. Ricardo

is not gay.

KEVIN

How do you know?

ANGELA

Because… I know. I…

Just then Ricardo pops his head around the corner

from the fax machine by reception.

RICARDO

Hey guys!

ANGELA

Oh, hello Ricardo!

(Angela stands up. She is extra exuberant,

which gets Kevin and Oscar's attention)

ANGELA(continued)

So… how is… oooh, how do you say

her name? It is SO cute!

RICARDO

Oh, my little Ninita.

ANGELA(softly)

Ninita…

RICARDO

Baby Girl. She is fine. This

morning I woke up to her

batting my nose like this…

(He leans towards Angela and

gently taps her nose)

ANGELA(blushes and touches

her chest)

Oooh… that is sooooooo cute!

RICARDO

But she can be a bad little kitty,

sometimes. If I have a lady friend

over… she'll try to get in between

us… and she might even hiss a bit…

ANGELA

Oh my goodness.

RICARDO

Oh yes… she can be a jealous

little pussy.

ANGELA

(just a little, little bit sultry)

Oh, I KNOW she is.

Angela then notices that Dwight is standing

by his desk, staring at her. Angela laughs

nervously and then sits.

ANGELA(whispering)

Well, you MUST bring in a picture

Of her next time.

She peeks back at Dwight, who is still staring,

and then buries her head in work.

ANGELA TALKING HEAD 

ANGELA

Oh, Ricardo is SO nice. And I LOVE

that he's a cat owner. The way he

talks about her is so, so se…

(pause) sweet.(smiles)

INT. OFFICE-JIM AND DWIGHT'S DESKS

DWIGHT(sits down)

Jim…

(leans forward, speaks

a little quieter)

DWIGHT(continued)

What is it about Ricardo

that… attracts women so?

JIM

Well… um… (he looks back at Pam who's

eyebrows shoot up in anticipation

of the answer)

JIM(continued)

He's good-looking, a nice guy…

(gets an idea)

but um… I think it might have to do

with that pheromone experiment

he was trying.

DWIGHT

What pheromone experiment?

JIM

Well… (he looks at Ryan who

completely buries himself

into a Dunder-Mifflin

catalog, wanting no parts

of this)

JIM(continued)

The last time he was here

he mentioned that he was

conducting some kind of, like,

test. Something related to

smells and female sexual arousal.

DWIGHT

More.

JIM

He found that by um… ingesting

incredibly large amounts of

chocolate, preferably milk

chocolate… Snickers, M&M's…

things of that nature… um…

he found that he could

affect a pheromonal

change in himself.(shrugs)

You know how women love

chocolate.

DWIGHT

That is completely ludicrous.

JIM

That's what I said but you

can't argue with the results.

(Turns to Pam)

JIM(continued)

Pam… when you are near Ricardo…

what are you feeling? What's going

through your head?

PAM(eyes wide)

Oh my God… all I can think about

is a Mr. Goodbar.

Jim, still facing Pam, almost bursts out laughing

but somehow keeps his composure. Ryan coughs loudly,

gets up and heads toward the kitchen. Pam still has

the shocked look but allows a tiny smile just for Jim.

Jims turns back to Dwight, who is stunned by Pam's

comment.

JIM

Wow. That's… that's proof positive,

right there, Dwight.

Dwight gets up and grabs his car keys from a drawer.

DWIGHT

I'll be back in a few minutes, I

need to um… go to Walgreens.

Dwight exits and Jim and Pam laugh.

JIM

Oh my God. "Mr. Goodbar."

Genius, Beesly, pure genius.

PAM

Oh that was a softball toss,

Halpert. So easy. You are

DEFINITELY losing your edge.

The two laugh and talk as Karen watches from her desk. She tries not to look but she does.

INT. THE OFFICE- OSCAR, KEVIN AND ANGELA'S AREA 

Ricardo and Oscar are having a conversation while Kevin watches,

smiling playfully at Oscar.

OSCAR

So, ah…

(shoots Kevin a "cut it out!" look)

…the new place sounds nice… when will

you close on it?

RICARDO

It's supposed to be next week, but

y'know, I'm always waiting for the

other shoe to drop. Oh wait… I took

some pics and printed them out.

Completely forgot… hold on…

Ricardo bends over and looks thru his bag which is sitting

on a small filing cabinet. Kevin gets Oscar's attention and

tries to get him to look at Ricardo's ass. Oscar stares Kevin down and shakes his head violently. Then, no longer able to fight it, he tries to sneak a look. Ricardo's ass in practically inches from his face. Oscar stares for a few seconds and then realizes that the cameras have caught every second of this.

OSCAR(leaps up, embarrassed)

You know what, Ricardo, I'll… uh…

I'll look at those in a bit… I have

to… uh… I… uh… I'll be back.

RICARDO

Oh, ok.

Oscar leaves, shooting Kevin the dirtiest look possible. Ricardo slips the pics back in his bag while Kevin has

a silent jowly laugh for the camera.

RICARDO

So what's going on, Kevin?

KEVIN

Nothing much… dude! I KNOW you

got killed in Fantasy Football

this year. I sure did.

RICARDO

Oh man, I took a pounding.

Just awful.

KEVIN

This is like, the third straight

bad season I've had.

Just then Michael walks up.

RICARDO

Oh boy, I've had so many I can't even keep

count. Just one right after the other.

MICHAEL

Oh wow! Mr Braggy Britches over here!

(laughs then tries to mock Ricardo's voice

but it comes out sounding like Ricky Ricardo)

MICHAEL(continued)

I've had thousands and thousands of women.

Hispanic, White, Black… um… other.

(Pauses and then goes back to real voice)

MICHAEL(continued)

You sound like Walt Chamberlain.

KEVIN

Wilt.

MICHAEL

What?

(Shakes head)

Shut it, Kevin. So… um…

How many women… um… would that

be… do you think? Round it off.

RICARDO

Um… Michael. We weren't talking

about women...

MICHAEL

Oh right!(laughs) Come on… you can tell me.

I know the ladies love Ricardo! (looks at camera)

Ladies love Ricardo… LL Cool (pause) uh… R.

Grandma said knock you down! HOOOO!!!

(Laughs)So what he got shot

nine times… LL is nowhere near

the ho magnet that you are!

KEVIN

That was 50 cent that got shot 9 times.

MICHAEL

Well…uh… LL got shot too. And he

was on the stretcher and he flipped

the bird to the cameras…

KEVIN

Uh, no, that was Tupac…

MICHAEL(annoyed)

You know what Kevin, why don't

you go and get shot…

(shakes head and walks away)

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD 

MICHAEL

Besides Kevin, this has been a fun

day with Ricardo. You know, us bonding,

comparing notes about women… he has the

great stories, I have the, um… good…

listening skills. Um… he definitely has

the Latin machismo thing going. Women

love that… They always went for those

guys like Fernando Lamas, Ricardo

Montalban… KHAN!!! The plane! (laughs)

um… who else? Um… oh, Paul Rodriguez!

Well… maybe not so much Paul Rodriguez.

Very funny man, though.

INT. OFFICE – RECEPTION AREA 

Jim, Pam and Ricardo are talking, Jim and Ricardo

leaning over the reception counter.

RICARDO

No, he couldn't have believed you.

JIM

He totally did.

PAM

Totally.

RICARDO

Come on…

JIM

Ricardo… Pam and I are pros

at this. We have honed this

skill over the years until

we are almost incapable of

failure.

PAM

Incapable. (laughs) Hey…

(laughs again) Remember the

time with the ball bearings?

JIM

Oh my God, Pam. I was JUST

thinking about that!

PAM(To Ricardo)

Jim made me laugh SO hard with

this one. We…

Just then Karen walks over.

KAREN(To Jim)

Ready?

JIM(looking at watch)

Oh. Um… ok. Yeah, let's go.

Catch you guys later.

PAM

Yeah.

Jim and Karen collect their coats and head out. Pam

watches them leave and on her face the tiniest look

of sadness registers. Everyone else might as well be on

Jupiter right now. Ricardo registers all of it.

RICARDO

Well… let me get back to this

machine…

PAM

What? Oh… ok.

(She goes back her screen)

Ricardo goes over to the fax and starts to finish up. Ryan gets up from his

desk and, looking around, heads over to Ricardo. Ryan shoves his hands

in his pockets and looks all morose and stands behind him.

RYAN(SADLY)

Hey Ricardo.

Ricardo turns.

RICARDO

What's up, Ryan?

(notices his sadness)

What's wrong?

RYAN

Ah, it's me and Kelly. We're

not… doing too well.

RICARDO

Oh… I'm sorry to hear that,

guy.

RYAN

Yeah… she's… she's really hung

up on you. She really, REALLY

digs you.

RICARDO

Hey… look, Ryan… I never said or

did anything to Kelly to…

RYAN

Oh no, I know that. It's me. I

don't do it for her. And I… I

have to accept that. So I have

to do the right thing. For her.

RICARDO

Ok.

Ryan takes a deep breath and looks at the ceiling.

Closes his eyes and shakes his head.

RYAN

I have to step aside. Be a man

and realize that it's you she

wants. This is hard but… I want

you to take her out, man. I just…

I just want her to be happy.

(Puts head down)

RICARDO

Wow. That's… that's really noble

of you, Ryan.

RYAN(still looking down)

Yeah.

RICARDO

Letting another man take your girl

out to make her happy.

RYAN

Yeah.

RICARDO

So I can take her off your

hands.

RYAN

Yeah.

(His head snaps up.)

RYAN (continued)

No, no, no, no… you got me all

wrong. I…

RICARDO

Get the hell out of here, Ryan.

Ricardo turns back to the fax machine. Ryan starts to say

something, changes his mind, looks at the camera and goes

slowly back to his seat.

INT. RESTAURANT TABLE NEXT TO WINDOW 

Karen and Jim are eating their sandwiches,

shooting the breeze.

KAREN

Boy, that Ricardo has caused quite a stir,

huh?

JIM

Yeah, the woman really dig him. They always

lose their minds when he shows up.

KAREN(coyly)

And if I lost my mind?

JIM(dramatically)

Then go! Go be with him! Who am I to

stand in the way of passion like this?

KAREN(laughs and then gets

kind of serious)

So, um… is it me or does he have a real

thing for Pam?

JIM

Oh, um… yeah, I guess.(He sorta buries

himself into his sandwich)

KAREN

Did he talk to you about her? I saw you

two talking a bit.

JIM

Uh, yeah…he um… kinda asked me about her

situation. You know, like… what her…

deal was.

KAREN(looking down as

she eats, she cannot even look at Jim)

So, um… what did you say?

JIM

Well… I um… said, you know, she's… (long

pause) single. I mean, I don't know for

sure if Pam would even be interested…

KAREN

Trust me, she is.

Jim looks up sharply, then down again just as quickly.

JIM(back to eating)

What makes you say that?

KAREN

Come on, Jim. You've seen her look at him.

She's definitely feeling him. You know that

look. (Jim looks up at Karen again with a

mixture of annoyance and tiredness)

KAREN(hands up)

I mean, in general, knowing that look. Not

like, you personally. That's all I meant.

They are quiet for a few seconds.

KAREN(getting up the nerve to

go down this road)

Maybe… maybe you should um… kinda… talk to Pam.

They would make a nice couple. She should

go out on a date with him… Just, you know…

see what it's like.

JIM(staring)

And I'm supposed to convince her?

KAREN

Jim. Look… I know you care about her

enough that you want to see her happy.

She's NOT happy, Jim. Maybe going out

with Ricardo would be good for her…

You guys are FRIENDS, Jim… you out of anybody

could totally sell her on it. It could be…

just what she needs.

Jim nods and continues to eat. Karen does as well,

sneaking peeks at Jim's face. They sit in silence.

KAREN TALKING HEAD 

KAREN

Yeah… that was… not one of my more

subtle moments. (She looks down. She

seems almost embarrassed and ashamed.

Then she looks up and makes a Jim face

at the camera, unintentionally. She sighs

and points at herself)

KAREN

Great. Now I'm doing it…

END ACT TWO

ACT THREE

INT. THE OFFICE-PHYLLIS AND STANLEY'S AREA 

Ricardo walks over to Phyllis and Stanley. They all exchange greetings.

RICARDO

So! I understand that Bob Vance…

(looks at Stanley)

of Vance Refrigeration…

STANLEY(nodding, doesn't

even look up from his crossword

puzzle)

Precisely…

RICARDO

…is adding a beautiful, new

model to his line. I hear it's

hot, sleek and looks GREAT in

white.

PHYLLIS(disappointed)

Oh… Bob usually tells me when

there's a new unit in…

STANLEY(Still looking down)

Phyliss… I believe he's referring to

you.

PHYLLIS(after it sinks in)

Oh! Oh, Ricardo… (laughs) you are so sweet!

RICARDO

Congratulations!

They hug.

STANLEY TALKING HEAD 

STANLEY

Yes, I do like that young man

Ricardo. He's smart, respectful…

(leans closer to camera)

But I wouldn't let him anywhere

NEAR my daughter. That boy is

slicker than a soapmaker's ass.

INT.-THE OFFICE-RECEPTION AREA 

Jim and Karen enter the office and hang up

their coats. They seem a little chilly to

each other. Pam notices but keeps her silence.

Jim eases over to the counter while Karen

returns to her seat.

JIM

Hey.

PAM

Hey. Is… everything ok?

JIM

Yeah, um… everything is cool.

Uh… hey, uh, can I talk to you

about something?

Pam's eyes bulge at the familiar question.

She becomes sort of nervous.

PAM

Um… yeah, sure… um… the kitchen?

JIM

Ok.

They both head towards the kitchen area, passing

Dwight, who is eating a Mr. Goodbar. They both

shake their heads slightly.

INT.-THE OFFICE-KITCHEN AREA 

Jim and Pam walk in and stand a few feet apart.

We see them though the window of the door. Pam is

still nervous, her hands in constant motion.

JIM

Um… Ok… I don't want to

get into your business…

This unexpected statement calms Pam a little.

PAM

You always can. You know

that, Jim.

JIM(smiling)

Ok… that's… that's good.

There's a moment of warmth between them. It's obvious

that they care for one another tremendously.

JIM

I um… I wanted to ask you

about Ricardo.

PAM

Ricardo?

JIM

Yeah, um… he comes across

like a really good guy…

and he really likes

you a lot, apparently… and…

maybe you… like him a bit,

too…

PAM

Are you… trying to get me

to go out with him?

JIM

Well, um… it's just that…

he really likes you. I

thought… I don't know, I

just… I just wanna see you

smile more often.

PAM

I smile… You… make me smile…

JIM

But I mean…(smiles) Thanks.

I mean a… you know… a

um… kind of relationship

smile…

(puts head down)

Maybe Ricardo can make

you smile that way.

PAM

You…

Pam looks through the door window and sees

Karen watching intently. Karen sees Pam and

turns away abrubtly.

PAM

Is that what you want?

JIM

It's not what I want…

that matters, Pam.

This is all about you.

PAM (sighs)

Jim… I don't think I can.

I mean… he's RICARDO! …and

I'm… I'm just Pam.

JIM(actually shocked to

hear this)

"Just Pam"?

(He moves closer to her)

JIM(continued)

There… there is no such

thing as "Just Pam". You

are… so far greater than

you know, Pam. You're…

Jim draws back and looks down, avoiding

eye contact but Pam looks at him, touched.

JIM

Um… I… I just want you to be

happy, Pam. That's all that

matters to me…

Jim leaves before Pam can answer. She stands alone

in the kitchen, emotions playing across her face.

INT. THE OFFICE-PHYLLIS AND STANLEY'S AREA 

Ricardo is just about to walk towards the

kitchen when he sees Creed waving at him.

CREED

Rico! Over here!

Ricardo walks over to Creed's desk. Meredith

is on the phone at her desk but stares openly

at him.

MEREDITH

Can't talk now.

(Hangs up and goes back to staring.)

CREED(removing his glasses)

Rico, how ya doin', good? Fine, me too, ok…

I want the same deal as before. Six crates

of hand-rolled Habanos. I got a guy in East

Stroudsburg, could be a steady contact. Only

difference on my end is that the 420 is

from Hawaii and not Amsterdam. Good?

RICARDO

I… have no idea what you're talking about,

Creed.

CREED(looking closer at Ricardo)

You're not Rico from the diner.

RICARDO

No.

CREED

And… you're not wearing a wire, right?

RICARDO

Uh… no.

CREED

Have a good day.

(Turns back to his desk and puts

his glasses back on.)

Ricardo looks at the camera and walks

away but is intercepted by Meredith.

MEREDITH

Don't pay him any mind,

he's crazy.

RICARDO

Uh… yeah.

MEREDITH

Completely gone.

(pulls out a small

bottle of alcohol)

MEREDITH(whispering)

Wanna share this in the

stairwell?

RICARDO

Um… Um… I gotta um… go turn

the um… thing back on in the

um… back there… sorry…

He squeezes past Meredith and practically

runs towards the kitchen.

INT.-THE OFFICE-JIM AND DWIGHT'S AREA

Jim sits at his desk, obviously distracted by

his conversation with Pam. Dwight is still

eating his Mr. Goodbar, his desk littered

with wrappers.

DWIGHT(still eating)

Jim… exactly how much chocolate…

is to be consumed for this to

happen?

JIM

How much have you eaten?

DWIGHT

This is my fifth one…

JIM

Oh, that's not nearly

enough. I think Ricardo

said that he ate about

twenty candy bars a day.

DWIGHT

Twent… Oh this is

ridiculous. I'm not

going to…

Just then Pam walks by heading back to reception.

PAM

Hi, Dwight… (she stops)

Hey… there's something…

different about you.

Have you been working

out?

Dwight stares at her.

PAM(smiling)

Well, whatever it is…

Keep up the good work.

Pam leaves and winks at Jim as she passes. Jim gives

Dwight a "Hey, see?" look. Dwight starts eating the

candy bar again.

DWIGHT TALKING HEAD 

DWIGHT(chewing candy bar)

I view this office as a pride of lions.

And I am the second in command lion to

Michael. So when other… lions… come to

sniff our women, I must use every means

at my disposal to maintain the female…

(pause) lion alignment… But I am not

overly concerned by this. Women have

long been fascinated by the Schrute

male. My grandfather had three wives.

(pause) Not all at the… same time

but… there were three of them.

INT.-THE OFFICE-TOBY'S DESK 

Toby sits facing Ricardo as he works on a copier between

Toby's area and Kelly's area.

TOBY

Wow, really?

RICARDO

Yeah, I go on my vacation…

get a little room at a motel

near the beach, nothing too

fancy… and just enjoy myself.

TOBY

And where do you go? Like… Costa

Rica?

RICARDO(laughing)

No, no. Southern California. Usually

around San Diego. Killer waves, dude.

TOBY

Wow. I… really want to do that.

RICARDO

You should. I've only been surfing

for a few years now but it's the greatest,

man. It's indescribable.

Kelly rolls over from her desk and

pulls her seat next to Ricardo.

KELLY

Wow, that is so cool, Ricky. You in a

Speedo… um… surfing. You know…

I've… never been surfing before.

RICARDO

Oh yeah? Maybe your boyfriend Ryan

can take you.

KELLY

Oh… well… well maybe he can.

RICARDO

Maybe.

KELLY(a little angry)

Definitely.

RICARDO(shrugs)

Ok.

KELLY(turning towards the

other end of the office.

RYAN!

She leaves and Ricardo and Toby snicker.

TOBY

I have to learn how you did that.

Sometimes I can't even… the chatter,

Ricardo, the chatter.

RICARDO

Boy, I can imagine… I…

Just then Michael walks over.

MICHAEL

No, no, no, no, do NOT talk to

this man, Ricardo! He will jinx you,

he will… he will… kill your chick

mojo!

(Michael points at Toby's desk.)

MICHAEL(continued)

Get back over there, Toby. Go do

your evil HR crap back in your…

evil HR stinkhole. Get out of here.

Toby rolls his chair back to his desk quietly.

TOBY TALKING HEAD 

TOBY

Having a nice conversation with

Ricardo and then being interrupted

by Kelly and Michael is like…

riding your bike on a great spring

day… and then getting hit by a car.

And then having your wallet stolen.

(Pause) And not necessarily in that

order.

INT.-THE OFFICE-TOBY AND KELLY'S AREA 

Michael is blathering away while Ricardo is

toiling away at the copy machine, trying his

best to ignore him.

MICHAEL

So, yeah… I don't know if you've

ah, ever noticed this but chicks

love a good sense of humor, you

know? You ever pick up on that?

RICARDO(not really listening)

Uh huh.

MICHAEL

If I'm in a bar and there's a

babe… babe alert! (laughs) I'll

um… I'll loosen her up with some

jokes… Oh! Oh! I have a killer

knock knock joke. Guaranteed.

Ok… um… Knock Knock!

RICARDO

What?

MICHAEL(confused)

No… not "what?" It's… ok, maybe

it's different in Cuba. In the U.S. we

go "Who's there?"…

RICARDO(getting annoyed)

Michael…

MICHAEL

No, wait… this is a good one!

Knock Knock!

RICARDO(more annoyed)

Michael!

MICHAEL

I know, the pacing isn't what

you're used to. But just say

"Who's there?" and…

RICARDO(completely aggravated)

MICHAEL!! Can't I… please, please

PLEASE, please God, please just

finish servicing these machines

and then get the hell out of here?!?

MICHAEL

What… what's wrong?

RICARDO

You're… you're driving me CRAZY with

the… the following and the questions…

I TOLD you! I haven't had a date in

weeks! I'm TIRED of it all!

I'm… I'm just looking for that…

special one. You understand??

MICHAEL

Um… well… yes?

Ricardo sighs and shakes his head.

RICARDO

Aren't you… seeing someone?

I heard that you were. Don't

you… don't you like her?

MICHAEL

Um… yes. Yes, I do like her.

She's ah… she's very special

to me.

RICARDO

So, then that's all you need! I

can't TELL you how hard that is

to find! (pause) I… I actually

ENVY you, Michael.

(He stares at Michael,

shakes his head and then

looks at Toby)

RICARDO(continued)

This… this place is like the

freakin' Twilight Zone, man.

Ricardo walks off.

TOBY

But… I like the Twilight Zone.

INT. THE OFFICE-RECEPTION AREA 

Pam is playing solitaire when Ricardo walks over. He looks

frazzled.

PAM

Are you ok?

RICARDO

I don't know how you work here… this place

is insane.

PAM

Yeah… (sighs) I don't know how I work here,

either.

RICARDO

Listen… can I talk to you about something?

Pam laughs.

RICARDO

What?

PAM

Nothing… it's been a strange day. Let's go

into the kitchen.

Pam and Ricardo head towards the kitchen. Jim, chewing on a

pen, watches them go. He almost looks as though he will bolt from his chair and go after them.

INT.-THE OFFICE-KITCHEN AREA 

They both enter and stand in the exact same place that Pam and Jim stood in earlier.

RICARDO

Ok… um… look. I was um… noticing that maybe

there was a mutual um… attraction between

us and um… I was wondering… Oh my God, I

can't believe how nervous I am!

They both laugh.

RICARDO

I was wondering if you would like to go

out one night. We can do anything you

want. You name it.

PAM

Ohhhhhhh… I'm gonna kick myself for this

but… Ricardo, you are… wow. I'm not even

sure why you are asking ME out but…

my head is just… it's just all over the

place right now. I can't even think

straight. It really wouldn't be fair to

you at all. You deserve so much better

than that. I'm sorry.

RICARDO(smiling)

It's Jim, isn't it?

PAM(shocked)

What?

RICARDO(shaking his head)

You guys have a hell of a time linking

up. First you have somebody and he

doesn't then he has somebody and you

don't. It's…

PAM

This… this has nothing to do with Jim.

(looks at camera) Nothing at all.

RICARDO

(looks at camera as well,

realizing)

Oh… Oh… I'm sorry. I… wow… I leaped

to the wrong conclusion. That was

rude of me, I apologize. I don't

know where I got that from. I'm sorry…

PAM

That's alright… I… that's ok.

RICARDO

Listen… this offer doesn't expire.

(laughs then gets serious) I really

like you, Pam. I think you are…

special. And I think… others feel

that way, too. So…(takes out a

business card)

RICARDO (continued)

please take this. All of my numbers

are here. If you ever change your mind

or… just want to talk… give me a call.

Ricardo kisses Pam's cheek. She smiles and blushes.

RICARDO(starting to leave)

I'll see you around, Miss Beesly.

PAM

How long do I have on that offer?

Ricardo turns around. You can completely see why women

are just head over heels over the guy.

RICARDO

As long as you need.

He leaves. Pam throws her head into her hands and lets

out a low moan. Then she walks over to the door and watches

Jim pretend to work. She sighs and smiles lightly.

PAM TALKING HEAD 

PAM

So… I am not going out on a date

with Ricardo. I'm sure the office

girls will kill me… (laughs) But

I'm still getting used to it just

being me… and I kind of like it.

You learn all kinds of things

about yourself. What you want…

So maybe one day, Ricardo...

(she holds up his card)

PAM

Maybe one day…

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD 

MICHAEL

You know… every time Ricardo comes here

I always look at him and ask myself…

"Is he happy?" Sure, he's a good-looking

young man, smart, funny… but is he happy?

Fulfilled? And sadly, the answer is no.

Ricardo, as it turns out, wants something

that Michael Scott already has. The love of

a good woman. Or… the strong like… or at

least the, ah… tolerance of a good woman…

but the point is… I pity Ricardo.

INT. OFFICE – RECEPTION AREA 

We see a series of shots. Ricardo packing up.

Ricardo saying bye to Jim, Dwight(still eating

candy bars) and then a cute little wave to Pam.

Pam waves back and, after Ricardo leaves, she

looks at Jim, who, typically, has his back to

her. She looks regretful, almost sad. Then a

small smile appears and then leaves and she

looks down. Just then Jim turns around in

his chair, careful not to be noticed by his

co-workers. He looks at Pam for a moment, then

turns back, staring at his monitor but not

seeing anything.

MICHAEL VOICE-OVER

I pity him because what he wants can be so

hard to find. So elusive. That one person…

that person that makes you whole and brightens

your life… and shows you what love truly is…

that person can be on the other side of the

earth… or right in front of you. And poor

Ricardo hasn't found her yet. How many people

do?

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD 

MICHAEL

So poor Ricky Ricardo. Keep searching Baabaloo,

keep searching. Your Lucy is out there somewhere.

Waiting for you.

(Pauses, then smiles)

MICHAEL(continued)

Hey… Let's call Jan again! (reaches for phone)

But no matter how many times she asks… you are

not here.

END ACT THREE

EPILOGUE

DWIGHT TALKING HEAD 

Dwight is still eating a candy bar. He is sweating

and does not look well.

DWIGHT

I haven't noticed any change in An…

uh, the other women besides Pam…

even though I have doubled up on

the dosage. Well, not quite… this

is… this is… number 37.

(pauses, looks absolutely ill)

DWIGHT(continued)

I am… twice the man Ricardo is…

So I should be able to…

(REALLY looks sick now)

DWIGHT(continued)

Um… Excuse me…

(gets up and runs off)

END EPILOGUE


End file.
